The Top 20 Worst Songs of 2019

By: James Southworth

Overall, I can't say that 2019 was a bad year for music. There were more albums that I liked than I disliked, and even the Billboard Hot 100 wasn't torturous this year (it was underwhelming, however). Even though it wasn't a bad year, that doesn't mean that there isn't some garbage to take out. There most certainly is. So here we go: here's my personal list of the Worst Songs of 2019!

20. "Teacher's Pet"- Melanie Martinez 

Honestly, it was tough to choose what Melanie Martinez song to put in this spot, as nearly every song on her album "K-12" sounds exactly the same. I think "Teacher's Pet" embodies the album's worst tropes: the overindulgence of autotune, the reliance on a childish persona paired with "dark" lyrics, and the 'shock value' of a child protagonist dropping the f bomb. This song makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable in its topic of an inappropriate child-teacher relationship, and mainly it's because Martinez has nothing deeper to say besides the surface level. This song is uncomfortable just for the sake of it. But this cut's biggest crime is how boring it is. Do yourself a favor and never listen to this song or Martinez's full album.

19. "2 Close"- Gideon ft. Drew York 

When I was going through the process of making this list, I had honestly forgotten how much this song made me cringe. Gideon used to be such a good band, with records like "Milestone" and "Calloused" being some of the most fun hardcore records I've ever heard. "2 Close" shows none of that talent, as the song sludges through its run-time with the most repetitive blast beats and drum work I've heard all year.  Plus, oh man are those lyrics annoying. There's only a couple of phrases repeated here. We get it Jacob Smelley, you're angry at the world for unknown reasons. This song tries so hard to sound like it's tough, but it fails, especially with Drew York's laughably bad guest vocals that only make this track sound worse.

18. "Rise Above It"- I Prevail 

I Prevail's album "Trauma" was incredibly disappointing, especially considering how good lead singles "Bow Down" and "Breaking Down" were. But no song on the album quite matches up to the atrocity that is "Rise Above It". Talk about a song that tries trend-hopping and disastrously fails. I Prevail is trying to be one too many things on this song: a Linkin Park clone, an EDM band, a rock band, and a metal band. These haphazard styles just don't come together well at all. Where this song is at its worse is when there is a literal beat drop that I guess is meant to sound impressive, but instead sounds cheap and laughable. This song should have been taken away from the album, but instead, it's a reminder of how far behind I Prevail is in their disastrous attempts to go even more mainstream.

17. "Feels"- Ed Sheeran ft. Young Thug & J Hus 

Ed Sheeran's collaboration album was a big mess, and "Feels" is the worst of what the album has to offer. Ed Sheeran being with Young Thug and J Hus makes for an awkward pairing that should have never seen the light of day. None of the artists sound good here, with Ed being on automatic the whole time. Young Thug is drowned in a criminal amount of autotune, and J Hus's contributions here are next to none. There's hardly anything worth to say about this song, so I'm done talking about it. It sucks; that's all you need to know.

16. "Bigger Wow"- Avril Lavigne 

 
Another big disappointment from this year came from Avril Lavigne. I was really rooting for her to come back swinging, but besides "Head Above Water", her album of the same name was pretty bad. "Bigger Wow" sounds like an already really dated pop song. The way Avril stutters her vocals, along with how overly processed they are in the chorus, makes this a cut that is quite hard to listen to. Its lyrics are sophomoric in writing, and honestly, it doesn't sound like Avril even believes what she's saying.

15. "Only Human"- Jonas Brothers 

The combination of trumpets and what sounds like a very processed marimba make this song a truly annoying cut to hear. I really can't stand how much this song fails at being a reggae track. It doesn't dedicate to the style, and was clearly just made to have some safe radio success. The lyrics also make me a little uncomfortable in how the Brothers seem to be trying to force this girl into falling for them. It seems manipulative rather than romantic, and really ruins any upbeat atmosphere this track is trying to have. The chorus of this song is one of the most annoying of the year, and the keyboard hook is an awful choice.

14. "Darkside"- Blink-182 

At this point in their career, Blink-182 could hire a pre-schooler to write their lyrics and no one would be able to tell the difference. "Darkside" is a clear example of that, as it relies on its chorus to the point where the chorus is a hindrance rather than being catchy. Matt Skiba and Mark Hoppus both clearly don't care about the chorus either. And how could they? Lyrics like "I don't care what you say/I don't care what you do/I'm goin' to the dark side with you" have little to no emotional weight attached to them. Pair this with the dime-a-dozen guitar work and the embarrassing music video with kids doing Fortnite dances, and you've got a song that the band should be ashamed of. Only Travis Barker seems to be trying here, but he can't save this already ill-fated song.

13. "ME!"- Taylor Swift ft. Brendon Urie 

I predict that if people choose a song for their worst lists from Taylor Swift's new album, it will most likely be "You Need To Calm Down", and I totally understand why. But at least that song has a sort of groove to it, and is trying to have a message. What is "ME!" besides a despicably hyper-individualistic track? Thankfully there are other cuts on "Lover" that show maturity from Taylor Swift, but this song does not. The song is incredibly childish, with lyrics like "Girl there ain't no 'I' in team/But you know there is a me". Swift's breathy vocals in the chorus also never fail to send up a well of rage in me similar to that god-awful """hook""" in "Look What You Made Me Do". In some ways, I might dislike "ME!" MORE than the aforementioned song. Brendon Urie offers nothing of interest to the song, and him and Swift have absolutely zero chemistry.

12.  "Someone You Loved"- Lewis Capaldi

I would give you a pretty good amount of money if you could promise me I never had to hear "Someone You Loved" again. This is the Grocery Store Anthem of 2019, and there's no competition. Lewis Capaldi makes one of the most sickly breakup songs I've ever heard, with his falsetto being one of the worst things my ears have heard all year. The bridge of this cut is where Capaldi is clearly trying to show just how beautiful his voice is, but it sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me. This song is equally boring and insufferable, which is quite the accomplishment.

11. "Legacy"- Motionless In White

Oh look, it's a song from the band who tries to emulate other bands better than them but sounds like a 99 cent yard sale version of the better band. Yep, I'm talking about Motionless In White. "Legacy" is one of the most radio-rock pandering songs I've heard all year, with lyrics that could've just as easily come from a bad Imagine Dragons or Skillet song. It really confuses me why this band would WANT to copy off those bands. Oh wait... maybe it's because both of those bands have generic songs that made them a lot of money? Yeah, that's probably it. Screw this song.

10. "@tddybear"- Highly Suspect

This song ignites a lot of anger in me because of all the ripe potential it had. I mean, Johnny Stevens combining his vocal talents with Connor Mason of Nothing But Thieves? It should've worked. But the album "MCID" was awful, and this song was the worst of the bunch. Both vocalists sound like they're in pain with how much they're trying to vocally show off rather than expressing genuine emotion. The fact that this "emotion" is paired with such lyrics as "I wanna be your teddy bear" made my eyes roll right up to the ceiling. What was Highly Suspect thinking? 

9. "Earth"- Lil Dicky

A song about climate change should've been taken more seriously than what this song did. I mean, we're talking about a legitimate crisis here, and all Lil Dicky and the multiple guests here can do is make bathroom and sex jokes about animals. It isn't charming, it isn't funny, it's ANNOYING. The commentary on climate change here is surprisingly sparse and half-hearted, and comes across even more so because of the excess of unneeded "jokes". All of the featured artists here are wasted, and this track is further proof that Dicky only gets his fame because he's somehow DJ Khaled levels of good at networking. That's not a compliment, by the way.

8. "Icy"- Logic ft. Gucci Mane

This song embodies everything I can't stand about Logic. His whiny rapping voice, awful word play, and meaningless flexing all are a part of this track. Oh yeah, and Gucci Mane is hear too, clearly just joining the song for a paycheck. That's all the talk this song deserves. Don't listen to it. 

7. "Hot Girl Bummer"- Blackbear

Can we just forget about this frat boy songwriter, please? I really hate that he took an empowering song like "Hot Girl Summer" and turned it into something that is sure to be played mindlessly at frat parties. Blackbear seems to claim that this song is him being hateful to himself, but it really just seems like a bitter song in general. There's no redeemable factor to this song, and it can't even seem to stay on topic with what it's about. Like it's trying to be this party anthem, but also it's talking about how Blackbear hates his friends? It celebrates things that don't deserve celebrating, and is a piece of garbage. 

6. "Cattitude"- Miley Cyrus ft. RuPaul

 This song is almost so bad it's good. Just go listen to it yourself; it's sort of hilarious in how bad it is. Miley Cyrus puts on her "dark", "edgy" persona again, and like usual, it comes across as disingenuous. The lyrics are grossly sexual for the sake of being grossly sexual. There's no deep commentary here, and Miley's awful rapping only seals the deal. RuPaul serves to make the song just a little worse; I have nothing against RuPaul but the musical talent is utterly lacking.

5. "Affluenza"- 3TEETH

3TEETH is a band I wish I'd never discovered, but unfortunately it happened. They had some real potential with their track "American Landfill", but the rest of their debut album is truly embarrassing industrial rock. "Affluenza" has all of this album's worst qualities: the way too loud electronics, the overly sludgy sounding guitars, and the decidedly uninvested vocal performance from Alexis Mincolla. It sounds like he took a whole bunch of NyQuil before recording this song and just went with the first take. Even the processing on his vocals doesn't help. I also hate this song lyrically, as it's trying so hard to be dystopian but fails in how generic it is. 

4. "7 Rings"- Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande is typically a pop artist I'm fond of, but "7 Rings" shows a side to her that I hope to never see again. I will typically check out of any pop song that has unnecessary flexing in it. This song has it in droves, and hearing lyrics like "You like my hair/Gee thanks, just bought it" brought me to the verge of insanity. I just don't think this look works well for an artist who has seemed more genuine in the past. Grande shouldn't try her hand at rapping ever again either, as it is breathy and uneven. The interpolation of "My Favorite Things" as the hook was a particularly mind-boggling choice, and is probably the worst thing about the song. Absolutely nothing here works; this is easily the worst hit song of 2019.

3. "Even Though I'm Depressed"- Chase Atlantic

What exactly is the appeal of this band? They don't seem to really care about anything as artists. The message is a pretty bad one for the band's teenage audience: the lead singer talks about how he loves the fact that his life is messy, and even seems to imply that he enjoys depression. He even uses depression as justification for being a bad person, which is a very harmful trope that I know people with mental illnesses would be quick to reject. And my lord, the autotune. I haven't heard such liberal usage of it in years; if you can't sing without this much autotune then you should leave the band. The unpleasant personality of this song is what makes it rank so high. I just can't believe a tone-deaf song about mental illness exists to this bad of a degree.

2. "Drug Addicts"- Lil Pump

Lil Pump is the embodiment of bad Soundcloud Rap gone mainstream. I am grateful that his latest album tanked, as it is one of the most atrocious things I've listened to all year (not the most atrocious, believe it or not). The song "Drug Addicts" sends an even more harmful message than "Even Though I'm Depressed": it romanticizes drug abuse, and what's more, drug addiction. Where exactly is there any type of positive message here? Pump is basically encouraging kids to get into life-threatening substances. Shouldn't a song like this not even be allowed on the radio? It makes me sick that artists like him can thrive with no consequence. Maybe his lack of success on this new album will make him fade into oblivion. A guy can dream. 

1. "Beats"- AJR

What a despicable group AJR is. They try to present themselves as this group that is deep and a DIY band, when they're clearly a product born out of a record label. They're safe and easy, which makes them easy for the industry to put everywhere. "Beats" basically affirms this. These lyrics have AJR saying directly to their audience, "Yes, we are in this for the money". This song has them BEGGING beats to sponsor them. They even say in the chorus that if they were offered 20k, they would say that Beats are great. Why not ask for more AJR? Heck, why don't you just become a protege for Beats for the rest of your careers? You could become millionaires! I mean, if all you're going to base your life on is fame and monetary value, why not sell out more than you already have? I have to laugh cynically at this song's last few lines where the band tries to be deep in realizing that most other artists "they used to mock" were probably paid by a brand. They then ask themselves, "Are we the same?" Yes. Yes you are, AJR. In fact, you're worse. At least many other artists attempt to be transparent when they're being sponsored. I can't say the same for AJR, who hide behind this cutesy "indie" label. This song deserves the label of worst song of the year, no doubt.

And those were my worst songs of the year. What are yours? For December, my reviews will mostly be coming to a stop as I am making several more lists, which hopefully you all are excited for. Up next: The Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2019!